Uncle Tom's Cabin
George F. Rowe, for Messrs. Jarrett & Palmer
Printed for Private Circulation Only, 1878


(Enter Bird and George.)

  BIRD. Gently, George; gently. You are yet many hundred miles from Canada.

  GEO. But I scent the free air already, Mr. Bird—the land where I shall be the equal of my fellows—where I may be a man indeed!

  BIRD. This is a terrible thing for an Ohio Senator—to be breaking the laws he helped to make! I think I ought to be fined and imprisoned!

  GEO. You ought to be honored and glorified, sir. If there were a few more such as you in every Senate, slavery would soon be wiped out.

  BIRD. And the hour will come, George Harris, when the stain and the shame shall be obliterated; but we must wade first through a sea of fire and blood before we reach the time. Yet it must come.

  GEO. God grant! and may he preserve you and yours, sir, in that perilous hour!

(Enter Phineas.


  BIRD. Amen! Ah! here's Phineas. Phineas Fletcher, I fear thou has blood guiltiness upon thy soul.

  PHIN. I guess not, senator, I guess not. The man they called Legree I barked, it is true, for I saw the bad blood trickling out of his villainous pantaloons; but he swore too lustily to have been much hurt. His companions have offered a large reward for your capture, so, friend George, thou must away at once.

  BIRD. What time does the boat leave for the up river trip?

  PHIN. At two. She will be watched closely; therefore, friend George, you must change clothes with me, and play the Quaker till you reach Sandusky.

  GEO. I'm afraid I shall play it badly, but the Friends will forgive my awkwardness for the sake of the cause.

(Eliza speaks without.

  ELIZA. I wish to speak with the Senator on important business.

(Enter Eliza in disguise as a young exquisite.

  BIRD. What is the matter, young gentleman?

  ELIZA. I am informed that it is your custom and habit, sir, to harbor runaway slaves and assist them in evading the law?

  BIRD. Sir, I—I——

  ELIZA. Don't interrupt me, sir; you are a State senator, and you are of course aware that you are liable to a fine of one thousand dollars for every such offence.

  BIRD. Sir, I—I——

  ELIZA. Don't interrupt me——

  PHIN. Young gentleman, we——

  ELIZA. Silence. Your name is Phineas Fletcher.

  PHIN. If you'll allow me——

  ELIZA. Silence! You have at this moment, I am informed, three fugitive slaves under your roof—one named George Harris, his wife Eliza, and their boy. You will be fined one thousand dollars for harboring each of these runaways. And furthermore, you will be imprisoned for eighteen calendar months.

  BIRD. Sir, I—I——

  GEO. Oh, Mr. Bird——

  PHIN. Look hyar, Mr. ——

  ELIZA. Silence! You, Phineas Fletcher, for aiding and abetting the Senator there, will be fined fifteen hundred dollars.

  PHIN. Fifteen hundred devils.

  GEO. No; you shall not suffer for me; I give myself up—I am George Harris, the runaway.


  ELIZA. (Bursting out laughing) And I am Eliza Harris, the runaway, too. Ha! ha! ha! How do I play my part?

  GEO. Eliza! (Embraces)

  BIRD. Ha, ha, ha!

  PHIN. Ha, ha, ha! Well, if you can take us in, you're booked for Canada.

  BIRD. A woman's wit against the world!

  ELIZA. Don't I make a pretty fellow? I have arranged all. I have metamorphosed Harry into a little girl, with our kind friends' help. Trust me for playing the young Southern gentleman to the life. And you shall be my servant.

  PHIN. Excellent, verily! Have a care, friend George, lest thy better half, having once got into pantaloons—take care, I say, lest she wear them for the rest of her natural life! But time's up.

  BIRD. Before you go—an act of justice! I have broken the laws. I must be punished. Therefore I fine myself in the sum of two hundred dollars. Take them, George Harris, take them. (Offers money.)

  GEO. Oh, sir, how shall we ever thank you——

  ELIZA. Oh, Mr. Bird, may heaven's blessings——

  BIRD. Tut, tut—don't talk, or I shall snivel.

  PHIN. And so shall I. (Boohoos.)

  GEO. I will accept this, but as a loan, Mr. Bird. Come, Eliza. I feel proud and thankful, for the hour is at hand when, on British territory, I may claim the right to own a name, a wife, a home, and a religion. In the dim distance I see the morning star of liberty shining forever clear under the glorious aegis of England's Queen! God bless and reward you all! Come! (All blubber.)