NICODEMUS NEY.
A DASH AT A CHARACTER WHOM EVERYBODY HAS SEEN.
MR. NICODEMUS NEY is a philanthropist,—so the world says; (and I, as in duty bound, have a great respect for the opinion of the world;) that is, he goes about collecting ninepences and half-dollars from poor, overtasked servant girls, and half-fed clerks, for the founding of "charitable institutions" for all sorts of distressed persons, who never knew what an unfortunate situation they were in, until he told them.
How much of the money thus obtained is paid out for the purpose
specified in "nothing to nobody!" He often takes long journeys to
Niagara, and other places of fashionable resort; but it would be very
malicious "to put that and that together." Some of the donors, too,
are occasionally impertinent enough in inquire, point blank, what has
become of their funds! As if a man who belongs to the church, wears
such a long face, fortified with such a white and stiff cravat, makes
such long prayers, and has such a narrow creed, could be anything but
the quintessence of honesty! It is astonishing how
suspicious and impertinent some people are! Besides, don't Nicodemus dine once a week with the Hon. Dives Doncaster? And is he not always on the platform on all public occasions, as solemn as an owl, alongside of the other great guns? You can see, with half an eye, that suspicion of him is perfectly ridiculous.
Should Mr. Nicedemus Ney sit toasting his feet at the fire, after a surfeiting dinner, and should a poor, down-trodden creature come in for relief, you could not expect him to disturb his digestion by attending to such a petty case of distress. He is a great man, and only does things on a large scale,—on a scale that will tell! Beside, it is his forte to draw money out of people's pockets, not to put it in.
Very circumspect is Nicodemus. It would puzzle you to keep track of any of his personal or domestic expenditures; all his bargains are strictly "private," and he was never known to answer the simplest question without first doubling Cape Look-out! Is he attacked? He goes whining to "Dives;" and I would like to see any dog bark when a rich man tells him to hold his tongue.
And so Nicodemus grows fatter and sleeker every year, keeping wrinkles and rumors at bay. The poor draw a long, hopeless sigh as he passes them, and the uninitiated touch their hats respectfully, and say, "It is Nicodemus Ney, the great philanthropist!"